7.) A perfect December!
Sunday, December 30, 2007
2007 Reflections
This year has been complex, to say the least. In thinking back on it, a lot of it was pure survival, and not the survival that I normally prefer (the kind that happens out in the woods on the trail, in the elements). This year's was of a different nature, dealing with money and time . . .with the deciding of vocational paths and living arrangements . . .and much more. A 40 hr/week job with no health benefits and no vacation days, to an unpaid internship consuming 50-60 hours a week (and yet, 3 other jobs aside from the internship worked in an effort to make ends meet), to backing out of a residency for numerous reasons, to where I'm now: a job with benefits that is allowing me to pay off my lingering Cali debt. No career changes or classes toward my MDiv will be made/completed until those are eradicated. I've tried to go ahead with both in the past, and I've found that it simply doesn't work. I think that in my 28th year of existence, I've finally learned that sometimes "having my cake and eating it too" does not come without making sacrifices. And suffice it to say, this year the cake has been few and far between.
But I'm an optimist (as told to me by one of my Episcopal friends, who at one point doubted my Christianity for believing in the goodness of humans during an argument over something I can't remember), and I'd like to reflect on some of the sweet moments from this past year.
1.) I joined Emmanuel United Church of Christ after several years of trying to find a church I could commit to with a good conscience. (This is not to say that other churches and their ways of going about church are lacking . . .this is only to say that I knew what I was looking/hoping for and to my genuine surprise, found it within a mile of where I had grown up.)
2.) I preached 3 different sermons and was surprised (perhaps I've had as much "surprise" as I've had "survival" this past year?) to have them go over so well. Again, I heard words I've heard before: "Kristy, you're a pastor." And again, I responded with words I've used before: "Why thank you, but we'll see about that . . . ." Still, there was something significant in those moments, something I'll probably have to ponder when it comes time to make that next vocational move.
3.) Living in a terrific apartment with a true friend, Lindsay. We've been friends for so many years, it's as though we are now family. It has been a gift to be able to come home at the end of the day and walk the dogs together . . .sharing rants or funny stories about the day's happenings. She helped keep me sane during the CPE madness and is quite skilled in getting me out and about town, so that I don't lapse into my introverted ways too frequently. Overall, a rare find and one I'm thankful for on a daily basis. Thanks, Linds. :) You are loved!
4.) Many new friendships: Jim and Alex, Sue, Julie, Delana, my comrades from St. Luke's. And old friendships: Dan, Kristina, my brother Dave, J.J., the list goes on. The making of new friends and keeping of the old . . .it provides a rich life!
5.) Dima's tumors not being cancerous. He continues to be his sassy self, and this year scored pizza and an entire pot roast off the counter top. (2007 has been good to him.)
6.) Family. It has been a rough year--a divorce for my brother, my father getting laid off from a job that he had worked for 18 years, multiple sclerosis for my mom (and all that it entails), and yet we still managed to sit around the dinner table and laugh this Christmas Eve. I do believe resiliency runs in our blood.
During our Christmas Eve service, one of my responsibilities was to hold the "Christ Light" candle during communion. After people received the bread and wine, they took a candle and lit it from the candle I was holding. As they lit it, I would say "The Light of the world." After saying this about 60 times, it began to dawn on me that I was a possessor of this light, and I wondered if my actions communicated light and hope to others, or if my actions instead indicated someone wandering around in the dark. My hope for this coming year is that the light I embody is that of the early morning, or of dusk . . .warm, and splashing color on its surroundings . . .a time where others pause and consider the beauty of this world, and in turn find themselves musing over the beauty of God.
But I'm an optimist (as told to me by one of my Episcopal friends, who at one point doubted my Christianity for believing in the goodness of humans during an argument over something I can't remember), and I'd like to reflect on some of the sweet moments from this past year.
1.) I joined Emmanuel United Church of Christ after several years of trying to find a church I could commit to with a good conscience. (This is not to say that other churches and their ways of going about church are lacking . . .this is only to say that I knew what I was looking/hoping for and to my genuine surprise, found it within a mile of where I had grown up.)
2.) I preached 3 different sermons and was surprised (perhaps I've had as much "surprise" as I've had "survival" this past year?) to have them go over so well. Again, I heard words I've heard before: "Kristy, you're a pastor." And again, I responded with words I've used before: "Why thank you, but we'll see about that . . . ." Still, there was something significant in those moments, something I'll probably have to ponder when it comes time to make that next vocational move.
3.) Living in a terrific apartment with a true friend, Lindsay. We've been friends for so many years, it's as though we are now family. It has been a gift to be able to come home at the end of the day and walk the dogs together . . .sharing rants or funny stories about the day's happenings. She helped keep me sane during the CPE madness and is quite skilled in getting me out and about town, so that I don't lapse into my introverted ways too frequently. Overall, a rare find and one I'm thankful for on a daily basis. Thanks, Linds. :) You are loved!
4.) Many new friendships: Jim and Alex, Sue, Julie, Delana, my comrades from St. Luke's. And old friendships: Dan, Kristina, my brother Dave, J.J., the list goes on. The making of new friends and keeping of the old . . .it provides a rich life!
5.) Dima's tumors not being cancerous. He continues to be his sassy self, and this year scored pizza and an entire pot roast off the counter top. (2007 has been good to him.)
6.) Family. It has been a rough year--a divorce for my brother, my father getting laid off from a job that he had worked for 18 years, multiple sclerosis for my mom (and all that it entails), and yet we still managed to sit around the dinner table and laugh this Christmas Eve. I do believe resiliency runs in our blood.
During our Christmas Eve service, one of my responsibilities was to hold the "Christ Light" candle during communion. After people received the bread and wine, they took a candle and lit it from the candle I was holding. As they lit it, I would say "The Light of the world." After saying this about 60 times, it began to dawn on me that I was a possessor of this light, and I wondered if my actions communicated light and hope to others, or if my actions instead indicated someone wandering around in the dark. My hope for this coming year is that the light I embody is that of the early morning, or of dusk . . .warm, and splashing color on its surroundings . . .a time where others pause and consider the beauty of this world, and in turn find themselves musing over the beauty of God.
Sunday, December 16, 2007
Sunday Musings
Because of the enormous amount of snow we received yesterday, I decided to spend my Sunday morning at home instead of making the drive out to Dousman to attend church. This morning is one of those slowed sabbaths . . .genuinely restful and even including a bit of family, as my brother crashed at my place last night because of working on written exams until 3 am. Outside, everything is layered in a 3-4 foot blanket of white and mounds have risen up along the sidewalks and driveways, reaching up to my chest. (Winter--how do people survive without it?) Inside, the sunlight pours through the windows and the dogs lounge around. Vegetable quiche cups are in the oven and I'm drinking tea, pondering what I read in Hebrews and Psalms this morning.
The first, from Psalms 135:
"GOD, your name is eternal,
GOD, you'll never be out-of-date.
GOD stands up for his people,
GOD holds the hands of his people.
The gods of the godless nations are mere trinkets,
made for quick sale in the markets;
Chiseled mouths that can't talk,
painted eyes that can't see,
Carved ears that can't hear--
dead wood! cold metal!
Those who make and trust them
become like them."
And out of Hebrews 8:
"Heads up! The days are coming
when I'll set up a new plan
for dealing with Israel and Judah.
I'll throw out the old plan
I set up with their ancestors
when I led them by the hand out of Egypt.
They didn't keep their part of the bargain,
so I looked away and let it go.
This new plan I'm making with Israel
isn't going to be written on paper,
isn't going to be chiseled in stone;
This time I'm writing out the plan in them,
carving it on the lining of their hearts.
I'll be their God,
they'll be my people.
They won't go to school to learn about me,
or buy a book called God in Five Easy Lessons.
They'll all get to know me firsthand,
the little and the big, the small and the great.
They'll get to know me by being kindly forgiven,
with the slate of their sins forever wiped clean."
A couple of things move me with these two passages. First, the idols. Second, God's "livingness" known through the act of forgiveness. In contemplating my idols . . .they're more conceptual than a literal statue I bow down to on a daily basis, but they create death in the same fashion. Living for an illusion instead of engaging a God who is already active and at work in the world surrounding me . . .why do this? And I think of the transformative work of forgiveness, how truly profound and powerful it is--surpassing powers of control, judgment, the personal conviction of being right and feeling wronged.
So this is my task today, to contemplate my idols and see how they've manifested themselves into my way of thinking and perceiving the world, and to then look for God in me, carving a niche into my heart like the kids building snow forts outside.
The first, from Psalms 135:
"GOD, your name is eternal,
GOD, you'll never be out-of-date.
GOD stands up for his people,
GOD holds the hands of his people.
The gods of the godless nations are mere trinkets,
made for quick sale in the markets;
Chiseled mouths that can't talk,
painted eyes that can't see,
Carved ears that can't hear--
dead wood! cold metal!
Those who make and trust them
become like them."
And out of Hebrews 8:
"Heads up! The days are coming
when I'll set up a new plan
for dealing with Israel and Judah.
I'll throw out the old plan
I set up with their ancestors
when I led them by the hand out of Egypt.
They didn't keep their part of the bargain,
so I looked away and let it go.
This new plan I'm making with Israel
isn't going to be written on paper,
isn't going to be chiseled in stone;
This time I'm writing out the plan in them,
carving it on the lining of their hearts.
I'll be their God,
they'll be my people.
They won't go to school to learn about me,
or buy a book called God in Five Easy Lessons.
They'll all get to know me firsthand,
the little and the big, the small and the great.
They'll get to know me by being kindly forgiven,
with the slate of their sins forever wiped clean."
A couple of things move me with these two passages. First, the idols. Second, God's "livingness" known through the act of forgiveness. In contemplating my idols . . .they're more conceptual than a literal statue I bow down to on a daily basis, but they create death in the same fashion. Living for an illusion instead of engaging a God who is already active and at work in the world surrounding me . . .why do this? And I think of the transformative work of forgiveness, how truly profound and powerful it is--surpassing powers of control, judgment, the personal conviction of being right and feeling wronged.
So this is my task today, to contemplate my idols and see how they've manifested themselves into my way of thinking and perceiving the world, and to then look for God in me, carving a niche into my heart like the kids building snow forts outside.
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