2007 Reflections

This year has been complex, to say the least. In thinking back on it, a lot of it was pure survival, and not the survival that I normally prefer (the kind that happens out in the woods on the trail, in the elements). This year's was of a different nature, dealing with money and time . . .with the deciding of vocational paths and living arrangements . . .and much more. A 40 hr/week job with no health benefits and no vacation days, to an unpaid internship consuming 50-60 hours a week (and yet, 3 other jobs aside from the internship worked in an effort to make ends meet), to backing out of a residency for numerous reasons, to where I'm now: a job with benefits that is allowing me to pay off my lingering Cali debt. No career changes or classes toward my MDiv will be made/completed until those are eradicated. I've tried to go ahead with both in the past, and I've found that it simply doesn't work. I think that in my 28th year of existence, I've finally learned that sometimes "having my cake and eating it too" does not come without making sacrifices. And suffice it to say, this year the cake has been few and far between.

But I'm an optimist (as told to me by one of my Episcopal friends, who at one point doubted my Christianity for believing in the goodness of humans during an argument over something I can't remember), and I'd like to reflect on some of the sweet moments from this past year.

1.) I joined Emmanuel United Church of Christ after several years of trying to find a church I could commit to with a good conscience. (This is not to say that other churches and their ways of going about church are lacking . . .this is only to say that I knew what I was looking/hoping for and to my genuine surprise, found it within a mile of where I had grown up.)

2.) I preached 3 different sermons and was surprised (perhaps I've had as much "surprise" as I've had "survival" this past year?) to have them go over so well. Again, I heard words I've heard before: "Kristy, you're a pastor." And again, I responded with words I've used before: "Why thank you, but we'll see about that . . . ." Still, there was something significant in those moments, something I'll probably have to ponder when it comes time to make that next vocational move.

3.) Living in a terrific apartment with a true friend, Lindsay. We've been friends for so many years, it's as though we are now family. It has been a gift to be able to come home at the end of the day and walk the dogs together . . .sharing rants or funny stories about the day's happenings. She helped keep me sane during the CPE madness and is quite skilled in getting me out and about town, so that I don't lapse into my introverted ways too frequently. Overall, a rare find and one I'm thankful for on a daily basis. Thanks, Linds. :) You are loved!

4.) Many new friendships: Jim and Alex, Sue, Julie, Delana, my comrades from St. Luke's. And old friendships: Dan, Kristina, my brother Dave, J.J., the list goes on. The making of new friends and keeping of the old . . .it provides a rich life!

5.) Dima's tumors not being cancerous. He continues to be his sassy self, and this year scored pizza and an entire pot roast off the counter top. (2007 has been good to him.)

6.) Family. It has been a rough year--a divorce for my brother, my father getting laid off from a job that he had worked for 18 years, multiple sclerosis for my mom (and all that it entails), and yet we still managed to sit around the dinner table and laugh this Christmas Eve. I do believe resiliency runs in our blood.

During our Christmas Eve service, one of my responsibilities was to hold the "Christ Light" candle during communion. After people received the bread and wine, they took a candle and lit it from the candle I was holding. As they lit it, I would say "The Light of the world." After saying this about 60 times, it began to dawn on me that I was a possessor of this light, and I wondered if my actions communicated light and hope to others, or if my actions instead indicated someone wandering around in the dark. My hope for this coming year is that the light I embody is that of the early morning, or of dusk . . .warm, and splashing color on its surroundings . . .a time where others pause and consider the beauty of this world, and in turn find themselves musing over the beauty of God.